I just remembered this one and thought I'd share it:
A man walks into a pub and orders a pint. While he's waiting he dips into a bowl on the bar for a few peanuts. He jumps in amazement as a voice from the bowl says "Hello, handsome. Do help yourself." He looks at the barman, who smiles.
Later, he goes to the wall machine to buy some cigarettes. He puts in his money and tugs at the drawer but it won't budge and a voice booms out of it "Clear off, you ugly git. You smoke too much anyway."
He goes back to the bar and recounts what has happened to the barman, who replies "Don't worry sir, the peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is right out of order."
